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<\/p>\r\nEvery morning, it takes me three hours to get ready. During that time, it\u2019s not as if I\u2019m leisurely eating my breakfast. Rather, I\u2019m constantly out of breath just to get ready. I want to reduce the time if it\u2019s at all possible but there\u2019s nothing I can do. Every morning, without fail, there is an incident or an accident. Taking care of two toddlers by myself means that it is always a battlefield. I\u2019m woken up several times each night, making me sleep deprived as well.<\/p>\r\n
Talking about my hunt for nursery school is a presentation of my failure story but hopefully it will be of some reference.<\/p>\r\n
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In May last year, before taking up my post at Nagoya University, I was doing research at the Brookhaven National Laboratory in New York state. Since my husband was also working at the same laboratory and we were living together, even taking into account the difficulties of living abroad, our lives were much more normal than it is now. We had no intention of spending the rest of our lives in the US, so we were both looking for positions in Japan. I managed to find a position first and so decided to move back to Japan with our then one-year old daughter. With my husband in the US and my parents\u2019 home in Tokyo, we knew the terms weren\u2019t favorable. But knowing that there were nursery schools within the university and childcare options, I was determined that Nagoya University was doable. Nevertheless, there were still major difficulties in landing the position. My employment was confirmed in March 2012,<\/p>\r\n
I was aware of Nagoya\u2019s problem regarding children on the waiting list for nursey schools, but I had assumed that once my employment was confirmed, the nursery school within the university would accept my daughter. But the application period for the nursery school in the university was fixed and I found out that we could not get in. I hurriedly checked with the Chikusa ward office but was told that there were almost 200 children on the waitlist for nursery schools in the city of Nagoya alone. Since my start date of May 1 was already approved by the department, I had to start on that date, no matter what it took. Having absolutely no idea what to do, I called every single international school in Nagoya city via Skype from New York every night. I managed to find a school that could accept my daughter three days a week and registered at the school. For the remaining two days, I planned on putting her in temporary childcare at Cosmos Nursery School within the university. However, both these options were expensive. If we knew that we would eventually be able to enroll in fulltime childcare in the near future, we could tolerate this temporary expense but there were many one-year-old children at Cosmos Nursery School, and we were told they may not be accepting applications next year either. I knew that trying to get by with international school and temporary childcare for a prolonged period of time was financially not possible.<\/p>\r\n
Amidst this, a spot fortunately opened up in Donguri Nursey School and they were willing to let us enter mid-year. The class was one age range below my daughter\u2019s age, but I couldn\u2019t be more thankful. I was finally able to return to Japan one month later than the start date for my new position.<\/p>\r\n
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Behind my decision to take on the position at Nagoya University was the support of my parents. Although my hometown was far, they offered to travel back and forth to help, which made me rest easy. However, my parents are elderly. They may want to be supportive but there is no guarantee that they will be healthy forever.<\/p>\r\n
When I first took on my position, they came to Nagoya almost every week to help but my father\u2019s health gradually deteriorated. By the time I gave birth to my second child, it had become difficult for my mother to leave Tokyo. Not knowing when my contractions would come, every day was filled with uncertainty for my daughter and myself. With back pains from pregnancy hernia and difficulty walking, it even became difficult for me to take my daughter to and from nursery school and go to work. It was then that a mother who lived nearby and attended the same nursey school offered to help and drove my daughter to and from nursery school and even asked me to contact her when the contractions started. I was so very thankful. It made me realize that this is the meaning of \u201cA stranger nearby is better than a relative far away.\u201d<\/p>\r\n
Luckily, my contractions didn\u2019t come until my husband was on his year-end holidays. My wish came true, and I gave birth in the new year on the expected delivery date. My husband was around so I had no worries regarding the birth itself. But in terms of my school duties, it was a busy period of graduation and master\u2019s theses. Before my body could recover, I had to return to university carrying my one-week-old baby. And what was to come was even more challenging. It was the real start of my single parenting life (and with two kids!)<\/p>\r\n
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No longer able to monopolize the mom she had all to herself. For my two-year old daughter, it seems the sudden arrival of a little brother was a big shock and also stressful. When I was breastfeeding my son, she would interrupt and hit, scratch, pull his hair, or cry loudly close to his ear, nonstop. As soon as he was born, my son was being subjected to an unforgiving environment as if he were a lion cub born into the law of the jungle. In the middle of the night, if one cried, the other would also wake up and cry. As a mother, I could barely sleep, and it made me want to cry. In fact, there were times when I too, bawled with them. Even then, if I could get through it by calling it \u201cdifficult,\u201d it wasn\u2019t too bad.<\/p>\r\n
But one evening, I took my eyes away for a second and my daughter ran on the mattress and fell on top of my two-month-old son\u2019s head. \u201cBonk!\u201d it was a hard sound. The sound of two skulls hitting each other. Hurriedly, while icing their heads, I called the night time emergency service and followed the pediatrician\u2019s instructions. I was told that as long as he didn\u2019t throw up, I could wait till the next morning to go see a doctor. But from the middle of the night to the morning, he threw up several times, which made me concerned. Fortunately, there was no effect on the brain, but this made me realize the limits of taking care of them on my own.<\/p>\r\n
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In an effort to find a babysitter who could help in the mornings and evenings, I called every provider listed on the website of the Center for Gender Diversity who would accept the university\u2019s babysitter discount coupon (issued by the Child Future Foundation). However, it turns out, mornings and evenings were the times that had the least number of available babysitters. In the end, not one provider could find a person who would be able to help on a daily basis. Looking at the price, for two children, it would cost anywhere from 3,500 yen per hour plus transportation fee, from a minimum of two hours. Even if I could use the discount coupon, it would be impossible to utilize this service daily. I had to find another way. Incidentally, Nagoya city\u2019s \u201cNobi Nobi Support\u201d program was rather affordable at 800-1,000 yen per hour plus transportation fee but the problem was that the number of member providers (babysitters) was significantly less than the members requesting the service. I registered when I started my job but still have not been able to find anyone.<\/p>\r\n
Ultimately, I placed an advertisement on the student notice board and ended up asking the spouse of an exchange student who was able to help during the hours requested. She was a significant help to me, but this didn\u2019t mean that all my problems were resolved. My daughter who had completely babied clung to me whenever someone came to our house. Having to constantly carry her meant I couldn\u2019t do anything. I thought that if I gave it time, she would get used to it, but her clinging didn\u2019t change at all and in the end, I had to decline the help.<\/p>\r\n
After much trial and error, I realized that for our family, rather than asking for help, it was better to utilize convenient home appliances and handy products. I decided to focus on saving time on housework and replaced the fully automatic washing machine that I had barely used a year and bought a washer dryer machine. I prepared food in advance over the weekend and just heated them up during the weekday. I ate oily foods on paper plates, and so on.<\/p>\r\n
Even then, there are still many parts to raising a child that cannot be resolved with the help of convenient appliances and babysitters. Obviously. For those parts, there is no choice but for parents to accept it.<\/p>\r\n
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Balancing both child rearing and researching is no doubt difficult. But even while repeatedly saying how hard it is, my children are precious and my research is fun, and I believe I am blessed to have both in my life. There have been plenty of times when I\u2019ve felt sad, but I have never once gotten annoyed. In research and in raising a child, every day is a discovery. To cultivate my creativity, I cannot let go of either element.
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\r\nThe fact that there are many more tough times to come has not changed but I recently feel like I have some emotional leeway. At times when things are out of control and everything is a mess, I think, \u201cthere\u2019s nothing left to do but laugh!\u201d and I have a good laugh with my children.
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\r\nHaving the capacity for emotional leeway was also largely due to my husband switching to a position in Japan. Two hours on the bullet train isn\u2019t exactly close but compared to New York, there was no time difference, and the distance was nothing. Almost every weekend, he would come to Nagoya, play with the kids, and prepare meals for the week. I myself was able to work hard and enjoy my weekdays because of the sense of security knowing that when the weekend rolled around, my husband would come to help.
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\r\nMoreover, at Nagoya University and in Nagoya the atmosphere is such that women or men who are understanding will help other women in a bind. When in trouble, send an SOS, and when someone offers kindness, don\u2019t be too modest and accept it. I believe this attitude is the key to surviving single parenting.<\/p>\r\n
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As a working parent who also takes care of two children by herself, below are some items I deemed necessary and my methods for saving time with housework.<\/p>\r\n
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1. Rent a property as close as possible to your workplace and the nursery school.<\/p>\r\n
The area surrounding the university has lots of hills and can be difficult even with an electric bicycle. On top of that, carrying two kids plus a blanket for nursery school makes it rather challenging. On rainy days, calls to the taxi company rarely go through. Even if it did, you have to wait 20-30 minutes or if you\u2019re too close, they sometimes decline.<\/p>\r\n
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2. Delivery services<\/p>\r\n
There are several delivery services that can be used in Aichi prefecture. There are even those that offer same-day delivery. Assuming that you will use these delivery services, you can prioritize proximity to nursery school and your workplace rather than the supermarket.<\/p>\r\n
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3. Fully automated washer dryer<\/p>\r\n
This is really convenient. Electricity bills may increase but compared to the cost of hiring someone to do the housework, it is much cheaper.<\/p>\r\n
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Raising a child on my own means living a life with no spare time and there are many times when I think \u201cif only there was something as convenient as this!\u201d Below are three<\/span> items that I currently need and would like developed.<\/p>\r\n <\/p>\r\n 1. High detergency fully automated washer dryer machine<\/p>\r\n The dirt stains on the muddy clothes of nursey school children do not come off in the washing machine. It is desirable to develop a washer dryer which has the detergency of hand washing but the drying capability of front load machines.<\/p>\r\n <\/p>\r\n 2. Tidying & vacuuming robot<\/p>\r\n A robotic vacuum cleaner cannot be used in a room with toys scattered everywhere. Therefore, I would like a robot that can vacuum the dust even if there are toys everywhere or a robot that can vacuum while tidying up the toys.<\/p>\r\n <\/p>\r\n 3. Super water-repellent tableware<\/p>\r\n I would like tableware where food residue falls off just by rinsing with one hand while holding a crying child in the other arm. It is rare to have both hands empty, so being able to do it one-handed is a basic requirement.<\/p>\r\n <\/p>","protected":false},"featured_media":41,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"template":"","column_cat":[4],"class_list":["post-39","column","type-column","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","column_cat-kosodate"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"