Every morning, it takes me three hours to get ready. During that time, it’s not as if I’m leisurely eating my breakfast. Rather, I’m constantly out of breath just to get ready. I want to reduce the time if it’s at all possible but there’s nothing I can do. Every morning, without fail, there is an incident or an accident. Taking care of two toddlers by myself means that it is always a battlefield. I’m woken up several times each night, making me sleep deprived as well.

1. My posting at Nagoya University and enrolling in nursery school

Talking about my hunt for nursery school is a presentation of my failure story but hopefully it will be of some reference.

In May last year, before taking up my post at Nagoya University, I was doing research at the Brookhaven National Laboratory in New York state. Since my husband was also working at the same laboratory and we were living together, even taking into account the difficulties of living abroad, our lives were much more normal than it is now. We had no intention of spending the rest of our lives in the US, so we were both looking for positions in Japan. I managed to find a position first and so decided to move back to Japan with our then one-year old daughter. With my husband in the US and my parents’ home in Tokyo, we knew the terms weren’t favorable. But knowing that there were nursery schools within the university and childcare options, I was determined that Nagoya University was doable. Nevertheless, there were still major difficulties in landing the position. My employment was confirmed in March 2012,

I was aware of Nagoya’s problem regarding children on the waiting list for nursey schools, but I had assumed that once my employment was confirmed, the nursery school within the university would accept my daughter. But the application period for the nursery school in the university was fixed and I found out that we could not get in. I hurriedly checked with the Chikusa ward office but was told that there were almost 200 children on the waitlist for nursery schools in the city of Nagoya alone. Since my start date of May 1 was already approved by the department, I had to start on that date, no matter what it took. Having absolutely no idea what to do, I called every single international school in Nagoya city via Skype from New York every night. I managed to find a school that could accept my daughter three days a week and registered at the school. For the remaining two days, I planned on putting her in temporary childcare at Cosmos Nursery School within the university. However, both these options were expensive. If we knew that we would eventually be able to enroll in fulltime childcare in the near future, we could tolerate this temporary expense but there were many one-year-old children at Cosmos Nursery School, and we were told they may not be accepting applications next year either. I knew that trying to get by with international school and temporary childcare for a prolonged period of time was financially not possible.

Amidst this, a spot fortunately opened up in Donguri Nursey School and they were willing to let us enter mid-year. The class was one age range below my daughter’s age, but I couldn’t be more thankful. I was finally able to return to Japan one month later than the start date for my new position.

2. Parents may not be healthy forever

Behind my decision to take on the position at Nagoya University was the support of my parents. Although my hometown was far, they offered to travel back and forth to help, which made me rest easy. However, my parents are elderly. They may want to be supportive but there is no guarantee that they will be healthy forever.

When I first took on my position, they came to Nagoya almost every week to help but my father’s health gradually deteriorated. By the time I gave birth to my second child, it had become difficult for my mother to leave Tokyo. Not knowing when my contractions would come, every day was filled with uncertainty for my daughter and myself. With back pains from pregnancy hernia and difficulty walking, it even became difficult for me to take my daughter to and from nursery school and go to work. It was then that a mother who lived nearby and attended the same nursey school offered to help and drove my daughter to and from nursery school and even asked me to contact her when the contractions started. I was so very thankful. It made me realize that this is the meaning of “A stranger nearby is better than a relative far away.”

Luckily, my contractions didn’t come until my husband was on his year-end holidays. My wish came true, and I gave birth in the new year on the expected delivery date. My husband was around so I had no worries regarding the birth itself. But in terms of my school duties, it was a busy period of graduation and master’s theses. Before my body could recover, I had to return to university carrying my one-week-old baby. And what was to come was even more challenging. It was the real start of my single parenting life (and with two kids!)