It’s been a decade since I moved to Nagoya in January 2014 with my newborn and 2-year-old son to take up a post at Nagoya University, leaving my husband behind. Starting this April, I will be transferring to the Tokyo Medical and Dental University. As my time living apart from my husband is nearing an end, I would like to express my sincere gratitude to this wonderful network, and to take this opportunity to share my experiences over the last decade.

1. Before starting my post at Nagoya University

I received a call from Nagoya University’s Graduate School of Engineering, asking if I was interested in taking up a position as an associate professor. At the time, I was working as a research associate at the University of Tokyo and was also pregnant with my second child. Back then, I had no intention of getting promoted or transferring to another university, but I thought this unexpected offer was a chance worth taking, so I told my husband how much I wanted to pursue this despite having to live apart from him. My husband said he would support me if it’s what I wanted. I received a hearing before the faculty committee while very pregnant and was hired by the university.

While I had expected to begin teaching soon after April 2013, since this period fell right around my delivery date, I had my appointment postponed for nine months to January 2014. I thought this would be a better timing as I learned through rearing my older son that childcare gets a little easier by the time a baby is 9 months old as they develop a day and night sleeping pattern by then. The university’s Center for Gender Diversity informed my appointment to this network, and I received many supportive messages that I should feel free to ask about anything. As I was completely unfamiliar with the area, the emails and phone calls I exchanged with this network about local nursery schools and nice places to live was extremely helpful. There happened to be a vacancy in the same apartment building as a network member, so I decided to move there. It was a great sense of security to have a network I could rely on for help whenever necessary.

2. A challenging first year after my appointment

I finally started my post at Nagoya University in January 2014. The timing, being in the midst of the fiscal year, made it impossible to have both children attend the same authorized day-care center within the city. Luckily, I was able to have both children attend the on-campus nursery school. Nevertheless, I knew it would be very difficult over the next few months until the children got used to the nursery, so I had my mother living in Akita Prefecture come for about three months to help out with the housework and childcare.

The most crucial period was after she left. First of all, in terms of preparing food which is our lifeline, I fully used the mail-order system for groceries to avoid having to go out shopping as much as possible. I used the Co-op, Oisix and online supermarkets. I struggled to prepare dinner, as the children would start crying once I was out of their sight, but I couldn’t have them in the kitchen as it’s dangerous. So I worked out a schedule of returning home at around 5 p.m. to make dinner while they were still at nursery, and then go pick them up.

It would be ideal if I could concentrate on work between 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on weekdays while the children were at nursery, but it’s very difficult to secure enough time, as sometimes they can’t go to nursery from a fever, or they had to be taken to hospital for vaccine shots, etc. As long as children are awake, they will want to play with their mother, so it’s impossible to work on the side. Work on my computer would gradually accumulate, so I would have to wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. to get it done, only to find myself returning to the bedroom again to cradle them as they sensed my absence from their side and started crying. I always had a lack of sleep, and eventually developed a condition called cellulitis. My legs became swollen, and I had to be on crutches. During this time, many people filled in for me at work, and my husband also increased his visits to Nagoya, which helped improve my situation. I would say that year was the toughest year of my life. I also developed shingles and had to endure severe pain while preparing applications for research grants.

Since I had already received support from so many people, I didn’t want to cause any more burden. But looking back, I think I could have negotiated better. For instance, I could have asked to have my weekly lectures set for the first period, to be changed to a later hour sometime after the second period. This little change would have given me some psychological leeway to have enough time to correspond to my child’s sudden fever. However, since I had just assumed the post of associate professor, I didn’t know to what extent I was able to negotiate. But now, I can make decisions through this experience, so I would be more than happy to give advice to anyone who takes up a position away from their families.

3. After the second year following appointment – Should I attend academic conferences?

Children grow fast during infancy. It’s a succession of surprises of seeing them able to do something today, which they weren’t able to do yesterday. As I gradually managed to secure more time for work, I decided to take on the challenge of travelling to attend academic conferences. Large-scale conferences usually come equipped with childcare support, so I was able to take the children to many places. What also helped was that both children were not shy of people and were able to get used to any daycare wherever they went. Usually by the second day, you would find them saying, “It’s me!” with a determined air when entering the facility, which made me laugh. I also took my children along to events sponsored by this network and parties with the lab members, so they became experts of opening up to strangers. Meanwhile, it was very difficult moving from one place to another. I would have to prepare enough baby formula, milk, and a change of clothes to last us a few days. This was very difficult to handle alone, so there were many occasions I asked my husband or both my parents to come along. I remember, once when we were on a bullet train, how ashamed I felt after being scolded by a stranger for the children getting too excited and rowdy. But right afterwards, a cabin crew kindly offered to take us to a private room which I was extremely grateful for. When I told the children we were being imprisoned for being too noisy, they were surely sorry for their actions! There were also days we walked to the nursery in the heavy wind and rain holding hands. And at a conference of more than 1,000 participants, I remember being stunned to find that I was the only one using the childcare facility! Nevertheless, I have been able to make it this far because of these services, and I am truly grateful to the academic society for arranging such childcare, even for a small group of people.

4. The coronavirus pandemic

In April 2020, I was assigned a laboratory as the Principal Investigator. My children were in 2nd and 3rd grade at elementary school by then. Since they had been registered in the Nagoya University on-campus after-school childcare center, I didn’t have after-school-care-related problems that working parents usually face when their children enter elementary school, but the pandemic was a different story. Schools were shut down, and I had to help the children at home on their mounds of homework printouts. Once in a while, we would go out to refresh ourselves, but since we couldn’t eat out, the day would just pass by as I had to prepare three meals a day at home. But the lifestyle changes brought on by the pandemic were a welcome especially for families like us who live apart. I was able to make presentations at international conferences and could participate in online conferences from home without having to travel. My husband’s company also administered remote working for the employees, so there were many more days we were able to spend together as a family in Nagoya.

It has been an intense and full 10 years. My children are now in 5th and 6th grade. They can go to their after-school activities by themselves and on their days off, they spend hours outside playing with their friends. They still enjoy attending parties with our lab members, where they would talk to the graduate students about soccer and video games with a delighted look on their faces. Over the last three years, I have been involved in the management of supporting researchers faced with life-changing issues. I would be very grateful if I have been able to give back in some way. And finally, I would also like to sincerely thank my mother who passed away in 2021. She was very strict, but was an extremely good cook, and gave me the tenacity and strength to overcome difficult situations. She was a wonderfully kind grandmother to her grandchildren. Thank you, mom.